the highest degree one can earn

Some of you may have noticed that I have "tagged" (such a cool street term) a new blog called Autism Vox: http://www.autismvox.com/

I am enjoying it not just because it throws up thought provoking observations on autism; but because it is written by a Mother of a child with autism, Kristina Chew; who is also a PhD.

Ahh, so she must have the "cure" right?

NO! She doesn't and she is fair dinkum about it too.

She just struggles through all the normal things that we do. Like clipping toenails, eating from a plate, crossing the road, and all the incredible challenges those simple issues raise. And she does it with nothing more than her love and good judgement, and common sense.

The fact that she has the letters after her name give her good press recognition and she is often asked to comment in the national media in the U.S.A. when an issue specific to autism arises.

But she does it as a parent. In a way that we can all relate to. She does not set herself above the feelings and fears of all parents; but because she has the qualifications they have to listen to her.

And I find it all so reassuring.

You know that constant nagging feeling that you are not doing enough?
A bit like during exams when it seems that everyone else is studying more than you and talking about it. When you feel you should do more but simply do not have the energy. I'll cram tomorrow, now where is the couch, the remote, ahhhh.......

That is how it feels to be an autism parent. We all know that the condition is treatable and manageable. Some people think it is curable.

So as a parent you always feel a bit inadequate.

I should be doing the diet, I should be doing the deep pressure exercises. I should have visual schedules in every room. I should have a therapy room. I should be doing sound therapy, vitamin therapy, Bio meds. Swimming with Fungie the Dolphin.

Or even worse:
I Should Not have worked during pregnancy, I Should Not have gotten them Immunised, I Should Not have had that One Small Glass of Riesling at 36 weeks, or taken a panadol. Or eaten my own weight in Doughnuts. I Should have had my fillings removed. Coulda, Woulda Shoulda.

That is why I like Autism Vox; because it references a lot of the quack cures (and "causes") and refutes them. Factually, with evidence. And a P.h.D.

So us muddled and befuddled non P.h.D's can feel reassured and a bit more confident of our own ability.

Until another swot of a parent comes along who says they "cured" their child with X and you feel all inadequate again.

But then I just click back on Kristina and let the smooth waves of the highest degree possible combined with "this worked, this didn't, I messed this bit up", Acceptance level parenting and she sets me straight.

Which makes me think of an event earlier this week.
Mr Hammie and I were called in for an "exit interview" with the kid's previous service provider as they were handing over to the outreach team that supports the ABA school.

We actually dressed up for the meeting and then sat at the round table basking in the golden glow of how well Boo and Bratty are doing since they moved to full time managed ABA.

And how wonderful our quality of life is now we can just be parents again.

That there was no more home schooling, no more being the bad guy of behaviour management. NO more whingeing and bitching and being angry all the time.

Every aspect of our kids development was now being accurately assessed and managed with functional goals. We now have such hope for the future, we can consider a life outside of our kids needs; and maybe look at our own personal development.

Everybody at the table was happy for us. Curious as to how things were working but happy and let's face it; they had two less kids on their completely over booked client list to worry about. So they were happy for themselves too.

But one of the senior therapists just didn't get it. She kept trying to bring the conversation round to a new visual maths program we could try at home with Boo and Bratty. We were supposed to be finished and Mr Hammie was out the door,

(off to an important appointment: Lunch with Me!)
I had my fabulous Ralph Trench on, my gorgeous (second hand) Juicy handbag on my shoulder and was picking up my Miffy umbrella, and this gal was still drawing number boxes.

So I sat down and spelt it out: "No, I am not interested in Teaching At Home Anymore". But I promised to mention it to ABA school Director with a view to Boo's curriculum, next year.
Ah but this would be good for Bratty too, she insisted.

Our priority for Bratty at age 8; is all about improving communication, reducing anxiety and frustration, and stopping the screaming tantrums that made our next door neighbors put their house up for sale. (and tell us why!)

So I had to give it to her. "What is the function of Bratty learning to count and add numbers; when....(after 6 years in your service).... she cannot even say her own name?"

And with that we were free to go for noodles.

Now, don't think I was being a bitch. I drew a functional diagram in every parent report form I had filled out for the last 2 years. It is just that my opinion didn't rate.

Hmmm.

Senior Psychologists in the Autism Services are often called upon to "explain autism" to Teaching Unions and colleges, Med' students and national schools. Because they have the appropriate qualifications.

But I am just a mum.

xx