Get down on it

A couple of threads knitted together for me today. I have been responding to a number of "Why do they do this?" type queries on the Facebook page for Irish Autism, along with helping someone else to secure the help they know their kid really needs, and helping to celebrate something significant and wonderful for another parent - something that the normies wouldn't really "get".

I was also reading yet another one of these "Autism is an epidemic, we must prevent it/find a cure" type of posts too. That always gets my goat.

And I couldn't help but wonder.....

Could it be said that the kids whose parents have acceptance, tend to have better outcomes  than the kids whose parents get stuck on the denial-blame-curebie setting?

Of course, to accurately compare this you would need to set parameters of just what is a "better outcome".
And it would be very subjective as the "Acceptors" would be noticing and recording little things like:
learning to play with a new toy, in the way it was designed, getting a joke, telling a lie, or even; swearing very appropriately from the back seat when someone cuts you off. (ARSEHOLE!).

At the same time they know why food shouldn't be touching, and why the salt and vinegar crisps in the green packet taste better than the ones in the blue. AND they don't freak out and have a breakdown whenever there's a "Poo incident" - hey shit happens! (pardon the pun) 

Now please don't misunderstand, Acceptors are not Surrenderers!

Surrenderers are those folks who just put themselves at the mercy of the system and don't try to change anything about themselves, their kids or their environment in order to adapt. They remind me of those road signs you see at intersections in Ireland. In Australia we have a "Give Way" sign where you pause to allow traffic to pass by but you don't have to come to a complete halt.

Whereas in Ireland, the "Yield" sign always makes me think you have to get out and lie prostrate on the ground with your arms spread wide - ready to be trampled....

Surrenderers seem to be like that. Whatever happens during their kids lives isn't up to them. It's not fair and it's a little sad when you see it, but they can sometimes attract rescuers and people willing to take on what they won't bother with themselves. But that is their choice.

Whereas Acceptors seem to "get" their kids and let them get on with their groove, while trying to educate themselves into being better parents.  Sure they have the bad days when they wish life was different. But for the most part they are able to imagine what it is like to see the world through autism, and really try to make things fit the way their kids like them. At the same time helping their kids try on the rest of the world on their own terms.

On the other hand the "Denialby-Blameby-curebies" would be looking for nothing less than total normalcy.
"This is not happening, I do not have a kid with a disability. I am going to stamp this thing out whatever it takes!"

No flaps, no stims, no laughing at something that I can't appreciate is funny. Total and utter immersion in the mainstream, in a normalcy purdah.

Denialby-Blameby-Curebies can achieve amazing things with their force of will and determination to stamp out autism and all that is associated it with it. Fair play to them, because others will benefit from the improvement of services and education that such tenacity brings.

But sadly, when all that can be fixed about autism is fixed and the child is still autistic - does this mean the parent who hates autism will find it hard to love the child they have? I hope not.

Any good relationship counsellor will tell you that for this thing to work, everyone has to be willing to  change. And it shouldn't always be the parent OR the child. A little bit each way.

So watcha gonna do? Do you wanna geddown.....



for A.J. the marble roller!