Goodbye Dad

My Dad passed away after a really nasty battle with cancer on Monday 19th January, 2015.
He is at peace now but I feel the loss keenly, especially as my family circumstances mean that I couldn't make it to the funeral today in Australia; although I do feel very blessed to have been there for his final Christmas. And that he knew I was there. 

Losing a parent brings up a lot of conflicted feelings. As a teenager, then young adult you might have decided that the way that they lived their life wasn't for you and you would follow a different path. Make your own way.

You go through life, you find obstacles and you find success. You have children and decide that you will raise yours differently, be a different parent, you'll do it better, determined not to make their mistakes. 

And then you realise about halfway through a life that has been full of challenges and mistakes, that actually you do a lot of things that are just like your parent. And that a lot of them are pretty good

I can now see that a lot of what has helped me be who I am has come from Dad,
whether through genetics, or absorbed over endless lectures on those Saturday nights when he had had a few too many glasses of cheap wine and wanted to share his wisdom.

"I'll give you the drum" 
he'd say as he told me that if someone told you to reach for the moon, that you should reach for the stars instead. 
That when you have a choice, you should always do the right thing
even when it was the more difficult thing.
That you should face problems head on, and do something. He couldn't stand to do nothing and behaved like there was always a solution.
 "Whatta you want me to do?"

That there was no such thing as "nothing to do" 
and if you had nothing to do you should pick up a broom or clean something, until you did have something to do.

"Look the part"  
Advice I have lived by as I am so often asked to do things for which I am vastly under-qualified, but very stylishly dressed.

That you should accept every opportunity and work out how to do it later. (and if you want to look like you know what you're doing; see previous advice)

That when you do try and it's a mess its actually "Good Practice" - Good practice for what? 
Nothing you tried was ever a waste of time, even when it didn't work out.

He taught me to be the salesman, the comedian, to be honest about mistakes and by admitting to them and apologising; to learn.

He taught me that even when you are feeling low, that pretending to be happy would lead to actually feeling that way. Even when you have to go into work with the worst cask wine hangover, smile anyway and eventually everyone will start smiling back at you. And then your smile will be real.

These are the things that live on when a person is gone. These are the things that keep you remembering and keep their memory alive.

Goodbye Dad. xx
14th January 1990
My thanks to my little sister, who let me wallow a bit via Facetime even though she is running around doing all the organising, so I could feel part of the funeral today. 

Thanks also to my most favourite radio DJ Tom Dunne who played a dedication to Dad for me tonight. It's here at Part 2 of the Thursday night 22nd show 3 minutes before the end of the show.


Lisa, lovely words, your Dad sounds like a very wise man. Sorry for your loss. X
K.Line said…
What a beautiful post, Lisa. I'm thinking of you...
So very sorry to hear this news Lisa x
Gab said…
Well written and well said. Especially the part about your little sister x.
Unknown said…
Your Dad gave great advice, beautiful words xx
I am so sorry for your loss.
Anonymous said…
I am so sorry, Lisa. The day your dad passed away I was at the funeral of my father-in-law, also a lovely man. RIP both of them.
Jean said…
I am so sorry for your loss. The void is huge. I'm glad your Dad is no longer suffering and I like to believe he is gone somewhere better. Rest in peace XXX
Skye said…
Such sad words, but beautifully said. I shall raise a glass of red to your day (and you) tonight. xx