That's whats real to me. And You



Thankyou brothers and sisters for standing up and embracing your inner autie. Thankyou particularly to the Floggies for commenting. Maybe your precision and understanding of pretty things that matter can teach us all to recognise the power of our abilities.
For myself, writing and reading the posts helped me to understand how REAL these foibles are.
I brought up the early thing with Mr Hammie and he said that it was nothing to do with autism; you just HAD to be EARLY.
(Mr Hammie is early for TELEVISION, I keep explaining that the little people in the box don't know what time he tuned in) To him it is very real, it simply has to be done, and most of the time he is quite right. It is annoying sitting around waiting for people who think that whatever time you have arranged to meet, actually means half past that. I have learned to bring a book.

So I was able to use that to explain to him my thing about the kitchen counters. I made a direct comparison to the early thing, and how anxious he gets, and then said that is how I feel about clearing surfaces and wiping them down before I cook. So he respected that.

And I was then able to understand how Bratty feels when I want her to take her raincoat off in the car, because it is summer and I don't have air conditioning. But she feels that being dressed and outside the house means wearing a coat, so we struggle over it. I can use my greater strength to over power her and take the coat, and when she screams, ignore it and try and ride it out.
But when I imagine how I would feel if I had to start chopping onions in a kitchen surrounded by crap on every surface; shopping that has been unpacked but not put away, junk mail and brochures, empty drink cans, juice boxes, Mr Hammie's wallet, keys and sunglasses (grrrrrr!) and an assortment of dirty dishes - If I imagine how that would feel, then I can understand Bratty.
And I think if you stood behind me and forced me to chop those onions surrounded by crap; then I would squeal a lot too.

For his part, Mr Hammie certainly gets the hump when anything gets in his way of being early.

We each have to suck up a bit of not getting our own way a lot of the time, particularly in our lives outside of home. But when we are in our environment and with our loved ones, we should be able to be ourselves. And if that means putting away everything where it goes, and spraying all the counters with anti-bacterial cleaner, and wiping them down BEFORE preparing any food; And eating 15 minutes later; then so be it.

And if Mr Hammie wants to start peeling potatoes and letting the skin fly over all the mess that seems to gather in any room he occupies, just so he can get a meal on the table on his timetable; then I just have to go upstairs and leave him to it.
(holding my knees and rocking ever so slightly while I anticipate clearing it all away)

Because that is what's real for me.

Comments

Sesame said…
"...in a kitchen surrounded by crap on every surface; shopping that has been unpacked but not put away, junk mail and brochures, empty drink cans, juice boxes, Mr Hammie's wallet, keys and sunglasses (grrrrrr!) and an assortment of dirty dishes..."

Have you been round my house and left Mr Hammie's wallet behind because apart from that you have described my kitchen to a tee. And you took a pic of my beloved dyson..although you must have emptied the dead flies and spiders out of it and given it a bit of a wash. Good on ya girlie.

I've had a really good day..having missed my Babs appt with the SLT cos I thought it was tomorrow I was fuming with myself..but later I witnessed the funniest thing I've ever seen..Babs put his wee bro on the naughty step.

Wee bro purposely annoys Babs by taking the remote control and fast forwarding what Babs was watching..Babs could take no more and grabbed bro by the wrist and pulled him out past me to the stairs and said "you are going to sit on the naughty step for touching Babs's mote". He came in bouncing all pleased with himself and said "ah ha, now Babs get the mote control" I nearly peed my pants. I left him for coulple mins and then went in and said Babs where's little bro gone? "He's very very naughty touching Babs's mote control - he's gone to sit on the naughty step. Go back in the kishen mammy" so I did what I was told or I would have been next on it. Did my heart good. I'm nAutie and I'm proud today.
enc said…
There is so much compromise just living with people vs. living alone, and even more compromise living with children. All children!
Nick McGivney said…
I'm with you on the clean surfaces minimalism. Missus is with Mr Hammie. Beginning to think there's nobody off the spectrum, just wayyy further down or up. My brain seems to let me do x number of things in my routine. If I am required to do one or more extra, ('Here, drop this in the letterbox on your way to work.') something else has to get forgotten, like my cycling helmet. What's going on there?
Anonymous said…
Howdy Hammie,I am only starting to resurface so forgive if I repeat anything. Have to say, I am with Mr Hammie on the early thing. I freak if I (or anyone else) am late for anything, I think it looks really rude. Have to say the "Monica" gene skipped me. I just dont'see the things thrown on the work top. I guess, they just don't register with me. Have to say I can be nervous about meeting new prople/crowds, but if we were honest, most of us are a bit like that (at least some of the time.)
Talk soon,
Dougal
x
Anonymous said…
hi hammie great blog as always .i know what you mean about the monica thing ,i am guilty of this big time and site it as one of the main reasons my ds is not feeding himself.id rather do it myself than see a mess . i need everthing in its place and go around the house constantly rearanging things back to the way i like them.like you my 4 year old is well able to dress himself but have to fight the urge to do it for him.another thing what is it with my lack of imagination,i know off topic here but its really bad ,need a imagination transplant.yet another great blog hammie .alison33

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