That's whats real to me. And You
Thankyou brothers and sisters for standing up and embracing your inner autie. Thankyou particularly to the Floggies for commenting. Maybe your precision and understanding of pretty things that matter can teach us all to recognise the power of our abilities.
For myself, writing and reading the posts helped me to understand how REAL these foibles are.
I brought up the early thing with Mr Hammie and he said that it was nothing to do with autism; you just HAD to be EARLY.
(Mr Hammie is early for TELEVISION, I keep explaining that the little people in the box don't know what time he tuned in) To him it is very real, it simply has to be done, and most of the time he is quite right. It is annoying sitting around waiting for people who think that whatever time you have arranged to meet, actually means half past that. I have learned to bring a book.
So I was able to use that to explain to him my thing about the kitchen counters. I made a direct comparison to the early thing, and how anxious he gets, and then said that is how I feel about clearing surfaces and wiping them down before I cook. So he respected that.
And I was then able to understand how Bratty feels when I want her to take her raincoat off in the car, because it is summer and I don't have air conditioning. But she feels that being dressed and outside the house means wearing a coat, so we struggle over it. I can use my greater strength to over power her and take the coat, and when she screams, ignore it and try and ride it out.
But when I imagine how I would feel if I had to start chopping onions in a kitchen surrounded by crap on every surface; shopping that has been unpacked but not put away, junk mail and brochures, empty drink cans, juice boxes, Mr Hammie's wallet, keys and sunglasses (grrrrrr!) and an assortment of dirty dishes - If I imagine how that would feel, then I can understand Bratty.
And I think if you stood behind me and forced me to chop those onions surrounded by crap; then I would squeal a lot too.
For his part, Mr Hammie certainly gets the hump when anything gets in his way of being early.
We each have to suck up a bit of not getting our own way a lot of the time, particularly in our lives outside of home. But when we are in our environment and with our loved ones, we should be able to be ourselves. And if that means putting away everything where it goes, and spraying all the counters with anti-bacterial cleaner, and wiping them down BEFORE preparing any food; And eating 15 minutes later; then so be it.
And if Mr Hammie wants to start peeling potatoes and letting the skin fly over all the mess that seems to gather in any room he occupies, just so he can get a meal on the table on his timetable; then I just have to go upstairs and leave him to it.
(holding my knees and rocking ever so slightly while I anticipate clearing it all away)
Because that is what's real for me.