Friday, August 8, 2008

Caution: Woman on the Edge.....

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This is what one of my teenage angels says I should have as a bumper sticker.

This young one is the third of 3 sisters who have been helping us out for years.
She is fantastic to have around, tells me all about "emos" and of course everything is "totally random" and the kids adore her.
But, she tends to help me more during school holidays and that is when she told me I should get that bumper sticker.
I think I was road raging some poor hapless human being who tried to scoot into a parking space outside McDonalds. Poor guy thought he could get away with it, even though I had clearly indicated that I was intending to park there. He thought he could tough it out, little lady in a crappy chick car (1 litre engine, Hammie does not spend good shoe money on Gas!)
Even when I explained that the little flashing light on the back of my car wasn't for Christmas; but an IN-DI-CATOR. I also explained that I had 2 special needs kids and I did not want to have to drive around in circles for another half an hour, looking for another parking space. I do not park illegally so this was the only other option in this overcrowded market town.
This geezer decided that I was being cheeky and thought he could just leave his car where it was. So I pulled up beside it, nice and tight so he couldn't even open the door and proceeded to play jingle bells on my car horn. Eventually he re-started his engine and reversed out of the space. He parked his MX5 on the double yellas.

Of course he was in the queue when I went in to get the chicken nuggets. But I am proud to say he was more embarrassed than I was.

So my angel came up with the above slogan, just to alert the general public that I was not going to be messed with.

But boy am I like this now. This year for some reason I am having the Hardest. August. EVER.
The weather is crap. I NEVER complain about the weather. I just think there are people suffering through dust storms and drought and my own sister has to buy water to fill up her tanks so why bitch and whinge about a bit of rain? And it is not as if someone showed me a tourist brochure of the Sunny Shores of Ireland! and said, move here and improve your tan!
The island is green for a reason. It rains a lot!
But this year has been SHITE!
And as we have been house bound for for 22 hours a day, for four weeks I have started to go a bit doolally.
I can cope with staying home all day when there is a bit of sun. I think lying around doing nothing is easy when there is a chance of a few freckles, to make your bottle tan look genuine. Bratty LOVES it when we lie around the garden. I put out some yoga mats, a few cushions and Boo will bring out a tray with paper and markers, getting me to draw his latest vision. Bratty just likes to snuggle in the sunshine. And lying around reading feels right on a sunny day.
The other day she got so sick of me itching around the house trying to fill the time. I won't watch daytime T.V. as I feel it is the slippery slope to depression! So she made me get the yoga mat, cushions, a hat and she used her Picture exchange book to request sunglasses, just so I would sit with her a while on the deck. Only problem is that was pissing rain. Mat, hat, hair and cushions all got wet.

And why don't we go out you ask? Because it just isn't possible when you have two kids with special needs who are liable to go in two different directions at different times. I can do it, for one errand per day. And even then Boo is likely to go missing for several minutes at a time ( I only shop in places with one exit) so I have to pull Bratty around with me while I search the aisles and annoy the hell out of everyone else with my broad accent shouting out his name.

And Bratty is a little unpredictable at the moment mood wise. I can't take the two of them swimming together when she has the potential to turn unhappy. Because then everyone in the building will be unhappy......
When I get home I need a little lie down to recover.
The "cutbacks" have meant that my budget for Angels is vastly reduced. So when Angel No 1 comes in the afternoon, I take one child out for a walk or swim while the other stays with her.

Hence; my mini-madness.

But I am not ashamed of it. I think if you can stand back and watch the video of yourself when you are that depressed or anxious and edgy; That is a good thing. Because you have to turn your depression outwards. Bottling it all up is a very bad idea. Better you ring up a few paid officials and bitch a bit, whinge a bit more and kick some arses, than stay silent and brew up a whole lot more anxiety.

People do terrible things when they are depressed. Often to themselves. They may even neglect or even harm the people they are supposed to care for. Getting angry with the state is good. Snapping at the old binney who gives you a dirty look when your kids are running wild in a supermarket, or the fecker in the video shop who put the wrong disc in the wrong box or the guy at the cable company who couldn't explain where ceebeebies had gone (I was channelling Bratty's rage) or the stupid fecker who thought he could take a parking space that you had indicated for.

Look at your kids and love them.

Look at the society that collects our taxes, and pisses them up the wall, or spends more on moving pieces of paper around slowly than it does on suicide prevention, or caring for anorexics, or rehab for addicts or counselling for gamblers. Or home based respite for women on the edge.

Don't mess with me.

xx

13 comments:

Sister Wolf said...

Oh eff-word. You know where I stand on this! Keep complaining and lean hard on your friends.

Can I just send money, if it would help??

enc said...

Better out than in, Hammie. Better out than in.

You must take care of yourself.

Hammie said...

thanks gals! Two angels got together yesterday to babysit and got in some lunchin' and shopping with mr H. :)
xx

Pearl said...

I never thought I would actually enjoy going grocery shopping! Now it is a grand adventure and a thrilling way to spend time somewhere other than the living room floor ;)

Hugs to you =)

MR style said...

that story is funny ! u do have a lot of talent for tellin stories !

The Seeker said...

When you say "if you can stand back and watch the video of yourself when you are that depressed or anxious and edgy; That is a good thing.", indeed it is.
Depression is a pain, I know, I've been there!!!
Try to take care of yourself, darling, you've a long way to walk...

It's good that you talk about it, it's like a catarse, and say "Don't mess with me." when you'll have to say it!!!!

May the light be with you!

Love
xoxo

cybill said...

Oh Hammie, I feel for you! The added pressure of being trapped indoors by the rain is not good. Don't forget the holidays will end (say that like a mantra, when you need to!) - the holidays will end. You are doing a great job, please vent as much as you like, as it does help. As for taxes, I am adamant that mine only go to help people - other peoples taxes are pissed against the wall but not mine, perhaps you should assume the same?

Sister Wolf said...

Ha, great photo!!!

K.Line said...

Man, I can't even imagine how crappy that must be - even though it's been a rainy misery of a summer in Toronto too. I mean, 22 days of rain is a special torture - and that's if your just some single, rich lady of luxury eating bonbons and watching movies! What a good attitude you've got.

That McDonald's story is hilarious. All I can say is, don't fuck with you!

Hammie said...

The really sad thing is; It's true!
I actually lane raged someone at the swimming pool yesterday. I was driven by the fact it was a one person lane and when some guy gate crashed it, I decided to stick it out and ended up wacking my knuckles on the wall of the pool twice, while he was passing. Stupid fecker couldn't do free-style.
Thanks to all of you for your support. xx

Sesame said...

You go girl. There's no better place to vent frustrations than on officials..especially those who have forced you to the edge by cutting those precious few hours.

Good for you not giving into the parking space crasher, the fecker, some people are so selfish. And you don't have to tell me about the rain..was the cause of my biggest ever headache yesterday in Dublin on way back from hols.

Hang tuff Hammie

Marmalade Wombat said...

oh hammie, how tragic and frustrating. My whole body hurts in empathy for you. Or maybe it just hurts cos I only got two hours of sleep.

anyways. you have my full support to take the attitude and stick it to the system!

Sal said...

Oh lady. As someone who has lived through 8 Minnesota winters, I know EXACTLY how infuriating endless crap weather can be. It makes the already-bad unbearable, just as you've said.

You are so right to let the rage out. Bottling it up will hurt you and those around you. And you'll get pimply.

My heart goes out to you. Hope the sun pays you a visit and FAST.