Love you anyway

It’s so incredibly hard to love you
But I love you anyway


And every time I try too hard not to love you;
I love you anyway


Have you ever been trying to "give out loads" to a child for some recurring misdemeanor only to find yourself being shmoozed?

Boo has an extremely annoying habit of chewing keys off his laptop, and it happened 3 times in one day last week. I was apoplectic as there are only so many times you can ring Dell-hi to go through the whole "my enter key is sticking" process and get them to send out a new keyboard.
And the third key he damaged was on Bratty's laptop; after the 3 of us had gone for our walk while an Angel watched the Boo.

So was pretty durned angry. I am not a smacker. But I do give out quite a telling off when Boo has done the wrong thing.
I had brought him up to his room for a "Time Out" and removed privileges like his mini- DVD.
You see, Everything in our house gets broken! It can be extremely frustrating and expensive too.
I was especially upset as I had trusted him with the return of the laptop after a similar act of vandalism early in the week.

So there I am ranting away and he just looks up at me from his little nest of toys and quilts and says:
"Come on, give us a nap-cuddle"
And when I sat down on the bed with my sternest expression to tell him why he had to stay there and think about not breaking things, he reaches out and tries to force my mouth into a smile with his little fingers. "Mummy's Very Happy" he says, willing it to be true.

It was very very hard not to relent at that point. And yeah, while I had to leave the room for a smile mixed with a few tears of frustration, when I went back in I knew that I loved him anyway.

You see, this just proves the fallacy that kids with autism do not understand emotions. Not only does Boo understand them, he is affected by them enough to want to try and change them.
And he knows how!

I fixed the keyboard this time, and then covered it with sticky contact paper to try and remove the temptation. It has been moved to the kitchen table again, and quickly goes back into the bag and into the cupboard if Boo strays on to any unsuitable movie clip sites.
At which point I have to sit with him and entertain him a bit as I may be able to withdraw a few privileges, I could never withdraw my love.
He just won't let me.

xx


Thanks to Super Kawaii Mama for the lesson in embedding youtube! xx

Comments

Vaklam said…
*sniff*

I think I've got something in my eye.

Thanks for posting this. We are having a similar type of day with our little boy.
K.Line said…
OK, that is not funny but his ploy to make you love him again is sort of cute. Evil, but cute!

I've seen these things that go over keyboards (like plastic covers to protect them). Do you think this might prevent his little habit?
Nan P. said…
Kids always find the better side in an adult. As for children with their own parents... it's uncanny the ability they have to "get" you.

Boo is oh! so clever!
On the children manipulating your emotions note, Miss 4 has it down pat. Whenever she is in trouble, no matter with whom, she trys misdirection through flattery. When I am mid rant I am interrupted with, "Mum I really like your hair/ top/ lipstick today. You are so beautiful." So hard to stay on topic then. :)
Songy said…
oh Hammie. That gave me a teary smile. How could anyone stop loving a kid like that :)
Make Do Style said…
I know what you mean about Dell- hi, what a nightmare it is. Which is the bit that really make you angry, not the breaking, it's the sodding repair or replacement process.

Kids hey!
Half rabbit said…
I'll have to remember using fingers to make peoplesmile. I'd read about that before but your description was much more personal and remember-able.

I often use a knife/fork to pry out keys from my keyboard. I don't chew on them but it's interesting to see what's underneath/clean out all the junk that accumulates.

I have a laptop which has a completely sealed soft plastic waterproof keyboard (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OLPC_XO-1). The keys are also really low so you'd only be able to scrap your teeth along them. What kind of laptop does Boo have?

P.S. do you have any photos. A nest of toys and quilts conjures up nice images.
Half rabbit said…
You see, this just proves the fallacy that kids with autism do not understand emotions.

That thought always really annoys me to whenever I read it on a blog or comment (yesterday for instance causing me to sigh and half roll my eyes). I just got back from the swimming pool. And someone there on the spectrum was definitely displaying empathy ;). They rescued a lady bug. Swam with little brothers in the children's pool. Used up all their energy pulling two even younger complete strangers around the pool while they made horse noises. And then walked all the way home in only swimmers and thongs (thongs refering to flip flops in Australian) ensuring prickles in feet and chaffed toes where the rubber sits between the toes. (they walked home because one of there brothers was getting upset and wanted to go home before other brother went in the car) EMPATHY indeed ;)
Sister Wolf said…
There I go, falling more in love with your children.
Hammie said…
Vaklam: ever wish you could just step outside the door onto a cloud for a little heavenly rest, knowing that everyone was safe and well on the other side?

K: he isn't so much evil as a kind of Captain Picard "make it so" self actualiser.

Nan: thanks. Sometimes that enormous intelligence is the problem. But I love it.

SK: Miss 4 knows her Mummy well. xx
and thanks for the Youtube lesson!!

Songy: I love him too much. That is why he drives me so crazy!

MKD: I actually quite like DELLHI as they have an amazing A/D policy on the laptops and will go online and fix whatever we have done, for free! But it is quite a process of being on hold and them talking through the "diagnostics" involved in getting another new keyboard sent out. I fixed it with velcro this time>

HR: That laptop looks fascinating! I wonder where we can source one in Ireland. Or can you send me a link for Australia?
I think what you did for the lady beetle and your little bro was lovely. Thongs, bindies and all.
Bratty just gets me to squash any insect, And Boo tries to make them into pets. He once kept a hermit crab we got in a dozen oysters for a whole day. it was an ex crab by the time we took it back down to the beach.
xx
Half rabbit said…
I have a beta test model. Unfortunatly only one since they are very social machines and talk to each other (create their own network for painting writing, browsing internet together etc)

You may be able to get 1 for yourself and 1 for a developing country here. http://amazon.com/xo

Unfortunately it needs a US address so you would have to wait or use a courier or similar http://wiki.laptop.org/go/G1G1
Sesame said…
We have similar problems in our house with remote contols..dvd players..constantly being broken by Babs...there's only so many time you can be flippant about them being easy to replace..
Sometimes its hard to lay the blame on the autism because sometimes the autism is no excuse.. Babs hates me giving out..and cries and cries.."Mammy u gotta get a smile on your face, make me feel better" and because I am physically unable to stay angry he gets the smile on my face to make him feel better..
The Seeker said…
I loved this post.
You are raising wonderfull kids that break some stereotypes and are very intelligent.
I had so many mixed feelings reading this... tenderness, joy, hope...
All the best my dear.

Sorry for being a bit away, time has been very short.
Love you
xoxo
This post made me choke up a little. Thank you! You have a way of putting things in perspective.
enc said…
He's an amazing little rascal.
jules said…
hey i thought i am visiting, the seeker's page. :) u got the same page layout as she does. u take care! i'll add u to my blog. hope u don't mind . have a nice weekend! :)
~TessaScoffs said…
My opinion: Kids on the spectrum feel way more emotion (than typicals) as opposed very little or none at all. They just don't register it outwardly in the same way. This is also evident in the way most can't/won't look one in the eyes. They feel it Too Intensly and don't like it.
Nick McGivney said…
The idea that there are people who think that autistic people are somehow emotional bypasses is extremely strange. You all are lucky to have each other. But the idea of you being an entire Youtube of entertainment for Boo at a moment's notice, I love that! If I was Boo I'd get you to do Barry White's You're my first, my Last, my Everything because you'd mean it and it'd just be hilarious to hear you do a Barry White.
bronwyn said…
Oh Hammie! I have to admit he does sound adorable the way he tried to make you smile. Can I say adorably naughty?
Sending you a hug.
Skye said…
My little dude is on a destruction of property jag at the moment (including my camera) and it is the most frustrating thing. Especially when you can't really afford to replace the broken stuff.

They do kind of make up for it though, don't they?
Sal said…
So bittersweet when the ones we're trying to teach lessons TO, turn around and teach us about ourselves. Boo may have wiggled out of some well-deserved ire, but he led you toward a good work-around with the keyboard ... and gave you a quick reminder that you'd eventually regret selling him to the gypsies. ;)
jazzygal said…
Oh Hammie! And Sesame!

Snuggles MOST definately has the same power over me! Can't stay mad at him for long. He, like Babs and Boo really hates being "gived out to!" You see I think they want to be good, they don't wanna be in trouble. Even though sometimes they can be just as bold and cheeky as "normal" kids. You're so right Sesame....can't always blame it on Autism. It's figuring out which is Autism related and which is being bold that's hard!

As for Snuggles, when I'm really giving out to him he gets all screamy back at me and is SO cheeky. Gets me SO mad.

Then he turns around and in a little voice says just one word....."Snuggles" and repeats it tell I give in! (Which I usually do, but there's a few sorrys said while we're snuggling.) And that's how Snuggles earned his blog name!!

get the point across to him as best you can Hammie ( as you do!) and enjoy the nap-cuddle. It makes us all feal better! XX J
WendyB said…
Aw, I love that he tried to literally put a smile on your face.
Lynanne said…
Ditto on the remote controls and telephones here. I learned that those little rubber buttons are actually a sheet of rubber underneath the grid of plastic holes. Once one is removed, there is no putting it back.

Beutiful post, btw
Adlibby said…
Brilliant! Isn't "Love you anyway" also a line from the children's book "Olivia"?

I've had those "love you anyway" days. Strength and peace to you!
Tazzy said…
Hi Hammie
Toilet paper, kitchen roll, clingfilm (basically anything on a roll) deodorant, polish (sprays of all shapes and sizes) - as my Button would say "these are a few of my favourite things". He's gone to bed tonight with a picture of a well known brand of toilet cleaner (God Bless Google Images) and an empty toilet roll tube!! Not as expensive to replace as keyboards etc, but VERY frustrating!!! But I can't help but have a huge grin on my face when he says it wasn't him who put a whole bottle of washing up liquid over the kitchen counter!!! It's wonderful to hear him actually telling fibs!! He's got so cheeky recently and I love it!!
Tazzy
Tatty Franey said…
this is just so beautiful...
JenSLT said…
So beautifully written my dear Hammie! And I may have a practical solution to your keyboard problem:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/input/5a7f/?cpg=ab

...though the whole keyboard itself may be fun to chew!

xxx Releasey-Jen

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