Good Naked, Bad Naked, and this one is really big.

We are certainly not in Kansas anymore in this household.

Had to go into school today to approve a new program Boo is starting on Health and Hygiene which includes knowing which parts are supposed to stay inside the pants and when it is okay for hands to follow them down there - and other stories.

There is a brilliant work book that the school have researched which had sections for me to fill in on what we call things (we decided on Penis and Wiener) and what rooms it is okay to be naked in (Bathroom, Change room and Bedroom) and where and when it is okay to touch things.

This is very important as Boo is a "sock" boy as my Australian brothers in law call it and he will have to learn how to wash himself properly, at some point. I have always instructed him to wash his own bits, modelling where necessary, but found myself at a loss when it came to well, showing how to wash "under the sock".

I tried cutting up a surgical glove to fashion a foreskin that I peeled back over my index finger, but the analogy was lost on Boo who continued to do his own thing. At the moment he takes very hot, very regular baths and I am assured by a fellow Mother of a Son, that should be enough for now. (Thanks Be to God) If a cheese factory develops I will have to refer back.

The other discussion I had with my big Sis was how to explain where modesty is appropriate, without creating a lot of unnecessary guilt or shame. I mean, I think Boo reached down and found his thing during a nappy change in his first week on earth and hasn't seen any reason to let go of it since.

And it is appropriate for Boys to hold on to their wieners when peeing in the bathroom or behind a tree. But not in the DVD shop, or Supermarket or the Back Seat of the Car.

Sis just said to tell him his "Big Penis" Belongs in the Bedroom. End of Story. The school were happy enough with that. And we don't have to deal with that chapter of the guide book just yet - the one involving emissions. He is only 11.

So it is a new and technicolor world has - opened up, for this mother who grew up with 3 sisters and no brothers. My first experiences of all that were from a secondary users perspective. In that the equipment was already well in use and the owners were looking for my involvement in getting them started, or finished, shall we say.

And sorry lads but that thing is pretty weird when you first get a glimpse of a real one in your mid teens. Particularly when you have only ever seen the one in the Prehistoric Man exhibit or the weeny cute one your baby cousin has.

So to be the mother of a boy who is well, growing, that takes some getting used to.

And the reasons for growth seem to be very arbitrary at times. I mean, Sesame Street Videos, Some Really Excellent Credits at the end of a film, um, Waking up in the Morning and certainly to my great shock and surprise - Having a Chat with Your Mummy - during which I was recently told:

"this one is really big*"

"Which one?" I say - curiously,

"This One" he replies, Pointing. Smiling.

"AHHGGH!" I reply jumping 6 feet in the air and then running on my toes into the next room.

Apparently this quite normal, it just happens when they are feeling happy and relaxed and comfortable.
And Yes* we know you all say that.



Unknown said…
Oh I'm still laughing at the "this is really big" moment lol. They really do catch you by surprise! My NT DS17 when he was about 6 stood by my bed early one morning. It was the first night I had allowed my bf to stay over... I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as he said "mummy theres something wrong with it... I keep pushing it but it won't go back down". I calmly said just leave it alone honey and it'll go down by itself. I rolled over and caught my bf face... a total mastercard moment lol :) xx
Unknown said…
ahihihi...until this moment i'm still laughing..;D
Clive said…
Excellent post! and worryingly for us somewhere we'll be in the not too distant future but great to read about it from such a funny perspective - we must remember all this in the months ahead!
Anonymous said…
I feel terrible for laughing at your plight, Hammie ... but I couldn't help giggling at this post!
WendyB said…
BWAH!!!! I'm sending this to my sister.
jazzygal said… GOD! I SO dread all of this!

So... you have to wash a certain way..down there??! Oh,God I'm so bad at this!

We too are having "intersting" chats! We talked the other day, not only about the being big bit but about the underneath bits! He "never realised that before"...So he says.

Oh, & when I even go near down there (I only go so far then he's to do "private parts") I'm, apparantly a... Lesbian! "Gay" is SO last year!!

What can I say? Best of luck! xx J
April said…
Lovely post.i hope you could visit on my blog too..;D
Anonymous said…
Hi Hammie

A good book if your up for it is Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum: A Parent's Guide to the Cognitive, Social, Physical, and Transition Needs of Teenagers with Autism Spectrum by chantal sicile kira
Lots of information on her site too

i haven't read it yet as DD is only 6 but her first book (Autism Spectrum Disorders: The Complete Guide to Understanding Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, and Other ASDs)was great, one of the best on autism out there.

For bratty, A Guide to Improving Sleep for Children with Special Needs
By V. Mark Durand, Ph.D.

i am only half way through it and charting dd sleep at the minute before we put a program in place.
Wish me luck
Lisamaree said…
Tracy: That will always be the night they discover what it can do. ahem!

Solo: I found it funny too, after about 24 hours.

Blogdog: I was too busy worrying about Bratty so the Growing boy blindsided me, dangnavit!

Sal: it is always okay to laugh! Wendy: Ditto

Jazzy: ah well. How do you explain?

Bayson: nice to meet you. will do.

Anonymous (hey come back and give me a nickname at least?); Mark Durand has a small altar in our house, like the Thai King but more revered. We used " Sleep Better" for charts and for understanding the culture of why she didnt sleep. Thanks for the tips!

Seeker said…
Oh Hammie, I'm so sorry dear, but I could help but laughing with this post.
I don't know what I would have done if I was in your place... it must have been so... "embaracing"(?)

Hope evrything is ok, my lovely you.

Big hug
Te said…
I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cringe at the 'cheese factory' comment so I did both. ;) The whole 'when is it ok to put your hands down your pants' thing reminds me of my days working at the respite home. One twelve year old boy just...could not be stopped, we had to carry a huge jacket around with us everywhere to cover him up when the mood took him. A few times the old ladies at the seaside ice cream stall got more than they bargained for. Oh gawd do I have a lot of autistic sexual development stories. As an 18 year old it was the thing which I think often scared me, and therefore stayed in my mind.
Anonymous said…
ohhhh - cheese factory - not a pleasent thought!!

Thank god I am several yrs away from that yet ... as a mother of 2 boys i just hope I can see the funny side of it when our times come.

Please keep ALL these posts for the future so I can see hope to handle it (ahhhem -pardon the pun!)
WendyB said…
OT: Thanks for the Star Wars Canteen link. I wound up also watching the Lego version of "Cake or Death." (Cake, please!)
K.Line said…
OMG - Hilarious. And scary! I guess there are a couple of advantages to being a girl and having a girl :-) I also think your "foreskin impression for hygiene improvement" was very innovative. Too bad it didn't work.
K.Line said…
And my word verification was fellskin. Seriously.
Lisa said…
Seeker: embarrassing, embracing (myself); I was all that and more. And it is funny. You have to laugh!!!

Te: when you live in our world you only have to prepare yourself for the stage you are at. I have a lot of respect for anyone who works at this and has to be ready for all of it, All the time!

Edel: Cheese factory is an australian expression. I think it might be the reason Moses said they all had to come off, with the heat and all in the desert...

Wendyb: CAKE OR DEATH? cake too please. (no cheese)

K- thanks for calling in. I cannot imagine YOUR google reader is prudish but maybe it skipped on the nakedness? And I love an appropriate word-veri!

Cal said…
Oh my gosh Hammie...that story is the exact reason I'm horrified to have little boys someday! I definitely would have screeched and run away, too. Oh least I don't have to worry about it anytime too soon.
Anonymous said…
Oh the many unexpected joys of parenthood. My sisters son interrupted a dinner party to demonstrate what he had just found out his penis could do - rather good entertainment all round.
Make Do Style said…
Very very funny!! Petit garcon is a bit of a fiddler too!
Sister Wolf said…
Hahaha! This actually brings back memories of my firstborn son, a Normie, who loved to have his hand down his pants SO MUCH that he learned to do everything with one hand. Finally, around age 4 or 5, I explained about restricting it to the bedroom...
Candice DeVille said…
What a cracker! So honest and you've written that very well. I can't imagine dealing with this in such a manner. I'm not very good at knowing how to explain these things and knowing quite what level to aim my conversation at. At least I have girls so I have a clue what it is all about but still, there was a moment when I had to explain that if you put jelly beans up there, then yes, your wee will be blue!
Lisamaree said…
Cal: not only did a screech I ran away on my tip-toes! it was an oedipal moment to say the least.
Took me a whole day to get over it.
Cybill: we gave up on dinner parties YEARS ago. There is no good reason for penises at the dinner table.

Makeydo: All boys are fiddlers, all men are boys. Full stop.

Sis: NORMIE? i love that! And I think italian men never grow out of that, they check in with the little Duce every 30 seconds or so.

Super Mama: I was preparing - well, dreading and whining about my girl becoming a lady and the whole boy growing up thing just hit me from left field. As for blue jelly beans? MY GOD!!!!!

Megzer1992 said…
Oh no!! I am so lost with all this stuff and I've had to bring aspie boy to the GP because he was worried and wouldn't stop until told that everything was fine and in full working order. I do tell him to ask his Dad especially about the washing thing....sticks head firmly in sand..
Anonymous said…
*lalalalalalala Taz sticks fingers in ears and sticks head firmly in sand!!!!!!!!

It will NOT happen to Button - he's going to stay my baby boy forever...right?......RIGHT???............

Tazzy xxxxx
Nifferdoodle said…
Oh my, yes, I do not relish this day coming. Even for my NT... although I've already been explaining to him that what he likes to grab onto is really a 'bedroom' activity. Never too early to start teaching! :)
It's great that you're working on this. I remember I used to work with twin teens on the spectrum, and I will always have seared into my mind when Twin1 threw open the door to the loo, pants around his ankles, standing at "attention" and VERY proud of himself. I think that may have been the impetus for my training my boy from the get go!
Niffer: now I have that burned into my mind too. We get acclimatised to such behaviour at home so it is always a shock to see what it looks like to someone else's eyes. This is a historical post, but it is all still very much an issue!

Taz: face it baby!