Lisa Maree Domican: Beautiful Boy 11/12/1997

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Beautiful Boy 11/12/1997

It is my Liam's Birthday as of 5 am on 11th December.

Still as beautiful to me as he was when I first held him in my arms 14 years ago.

And at the noodle market last weekend.

PS. It's also The Grace App Wizard's 23rd Birthday today. Go and wish him a Happy Birthday here

6 comments:

jazzygal said...: From beautiful baby to handsome young man.... in the blink of an eye.

Happy birthday to the fabulous Liam ;-)

xx Jazzy; December 10, 2011 11:32 PM
K.Line said...: Congrats on navigating some pretty intense parenting of a fantastic kid! I can't believe he continues to age, as you stay marvelously youthful :-); December 11, 2011 1:46 AM
Looking for Blue Sky said...: Happy Birthday Liam x; December 11, 2011 8:04 AM
Anonymous said...: Happy birthday Liam!
V; December 11, 2011 9:39 AM
Bright Side of Life said...: Happy Birthday!
Eeeeek, they grow up too quickly!!; December 11, 2011 1:45 PM
Clive said...: Wishing Liam a very Happy Birthday!

The years fly by, don't they!!!; December 11, 2011 11:30 PM

old posts

Thursday, September 18, 2008
Let it Be

Sunday, September 14, 2008
My First Style Icons

Saturday, September 13, 2008
Diamonds and Pearls

Thursday, September 11, 2008
Adaptation

Thursday, September 4, 2008
Chill out Man.......

Thursday, August 28, 2008
Do the Right Thing; "Va' dove ti porta il cuore"

Saturday, August 23, 2008
Am I Worth it?

Thursday, August 21, 2008
These are a few of my favourite things: Hammie the Fashion Blog, Part 1

Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Thankyou, for the hits and more....

Saturday, August 16, 2008
Who is medicated?

Thursday, August 14, 2008
News from the Wicked Woman

Monday, August 11, 2008
Down with that sort of thing

Friday, August 8, 2008
Caution: Woman on the Edge.....

Thursday, August 7, 2008
MARMEEEEEEEE!

Friday, August 1, 2008
How to Taste Wine: The unedited version

Wednesday, July 30, 2008
How to Taste Wine: Your Senses and Your Reality

Monday, July 28, 2008
Ewan and Boo's new haircut

Saturday, July 26, 2008
Reality is shaped by our senses

Thursday, July 24, 2008
Tree of Happiness

Friday, July 18, 2008
I can see clearly now....

Wednesday, July 16, 2008
That's whats real to me. And You

Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Is Autism the New Black?

Saturday, July 5, 2008
the highest degree one can earn

Thursday, July 3, 2008
where ever you go, my love goes with you

Monday, June 30, 2008
Dogs, Doughnuts and Dolphins

Saturday, June 28, 2008
Money's too tight to mention.......

Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Another word from Downsdad: What about your OTHER kids?

Thursday, June 19, 2008
Hammiesays: What?

Monday, June 16, 2008
Friday the 13th Part 2.

Sunday, June 15, 2008
Friday the 13th Part I

Sunday, June 8, 2008
Hair And Make-up

Thursday, June 5, 2008
Body Blows

Sunday, June 1, 2008
We are all made of stars.

Sunday, May 25, 2008
On the Road with ASD.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008
medals for mammies (and Daddies)

Friday, May 16, 2008
God Help Ye' ?

Friday, May 2, 2008
The Holiday Season

Saturday, April 26, 2008
Community Spirits

Tuesday, April 22, 2008
It's different for Dads

Monday, April 21, 2008
Vale Nana

Friday, April 18, 2008
News; from the House of Hammie

Monday, April 14, 2008
How Fragile We Are

Tuesday, April 8, 2008
R is for RESPECT

Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Keeping Going; F is for friends

Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Don't get depressed or anything....

Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Excuse me, I think you dropped something.....
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Aba reaches the parts, and makes it better for everyone else too.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
A different shade of normal.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
More Musings on Special Education; an update.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
D is for DENIAL
Friday, February 8, 2008
I STIM, therefore I AM or S is for STIM
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
ABA reaches the parts
Friday, February 1, 2008
What next for our kids?
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Moving around the Spectrum: What do you think?
Monday, January 28, 2008
B is for Bedtime
Friday, January 18, 2008
one small bite of the cookie
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Autism; The Early Years. and Acceptance.com
Sunday, January 6, 2008
falling into Lourdes
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Songs for the Journey.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Recipe for a Happy Christmas; for everyone?
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Checklist for a worried Parent.
Friday, December 7, 2007
B is for Biting:
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
C is for Clothes
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Toilet Training and Communication
Thursday, November 15, 2007
D is for Diet!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
A word from Joy: To Medicate or not
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
my story. by Hammie
Friday, October 19, 2007
A word from Polly:
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Is ABA a therapy for Life?
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Do we want our children to LEARN, or are we happy with them just being Taught?
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Musings on Special Education
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
What I did on my holidays.......
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Autism, Communication and ABA
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Toilet Training, my experience
Saturday, June 16, 2007
How can we compare ABA to the other system?
Saturday, June 16, 2007
clutching at straws, ABA for ASD; first posted on 24th March 2007

1. Buy a hard cover notebook and write the date at the top of the page every day. Carry it everywhere and write down the name, number and title of everyone you speak to in relation to services for your child. Just producing this book and asking for the name of someone you are talking to can be enough to ensure they follow through on your request.

2. Photo copy every letter of referral and report 10 times and store it in a portable concertina file. Bring this file and a stack of brown A4 sized envelopes to every appointment. Do not let "I havent got a copy of the report/letter/your file" be the reason you are not getting moved up the list.

3. Buy a second concertina file or a lever arch file and store all your correspondence with Health Dept', Dept of ED, Department of Social Welfare and any T.D or councillor in this file (letters To and From). Make copies of these and always keep the original.

4. Use you black note book and your correspondence file to support your cause. If you write to someone keep a copy of your letter and phone them a week later to check if they recieved it. Note this in your black book. Phone them the following week to check again and check on action. If you remind them that is what they said last weekyou might get a little bit further along the line.

5. Be polite, friendly and grateful when you are helped. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. But above all be persistent. Every time you get disheartened, go back to your little black book and check who hasnt helped you yet.

6. A door is never closed without another being opened. If someone says they cannot help you, ask them to write a letter of support to the authority that can.

7. Wear Lipstick. Brush your hair. Don't look like a victim or when you look in the mirror you will see a victim. If you have an important meeting to go to, get your hair done and wear the best clothes you have. That way you will feel the equal of everyone in the room and will be treated that way.

8. Join an advocacy group and start networking. You need a sponsor to get you through this, someone who knows more about it than you and who understands the pitfalls. Whether you are ready to identify as a member of a minority disabiltiy group or not, get in touch with your advocacy group

xx

A little bit about me; Hammie

To be honest, when ever I am asked to write about my own situation I always find some way of putting it off.Why?

I don’t really want to revisit that awful time. It is true that the harder you work, the luckier you get. Well I work very bloody hard with my kids and things really do get better every day. So keep reading……But to describe what it was like to find out that I had two children with severe autism;To paraphrase Oscar Wilde; to have one child with ASD could be misfortune, to have two looks like carelessness!The other thing is; I don’t know how the story ends…….When people read books about a struggle with disability, they want to know that the person who wrote the book has affected something of a miracle cure. People want to read that dolphins, dogs, light or sound therapy, bio medical, giving up wheat or milk or dosing up on the vitamins and minerals that used to be in our diet when we were living in caves , made all the difference.They don’t want to hear that it takes a lot of hard work and motivation, it takes luck in meeting the right people and I guess a little bit of talent in knowing what everyone can offer you to get the best outcome for your children. And, being nice enough to get them to help you.Being a sales rep’ in my former life helps. Persistence, tenacity, stubbornness. Being a bit of a girly swot at high school also helps. Being a front area manager at a popular American Hamburger Restaurant at the age of 16 has also helped. I am not sure that the Arts Degree I deferred from in 1987 could have helped. But I am pretty sure that a Psychology degree could have. Something which I kind of sneered at when I was in sales.Having a brass neck and coming from a country where English is spoken as a second language by a large percentage of the population has helped and hindered me. I am a direct communicator, I like to say what I mean, people then know what I mean.But I am easily confused by nuance and the talent of a nation of poets to obfuscate and confuse through language. A lot of the time I need Dur-titles, (like subtitles but for people who don’t “get things”) and I come out of meetings having to ask other people what was going on. But that could also be my autism. .Whatever is eventually proved about autism, I believe that it is largely hereditary and that is perhaps the cruellest irony of all. That when you find out that your beloved children have autism, you also realise that your extended family are all so strange and dysfunctional that they are going to be no help whatsoever!You yourself have to confront and manage your own autistic tendencies in order to parent your children honestly. And when they show characteristics that you have in common, forgive yourself and forgive them.Autism is a wide wide spectrum. There are 18 million gazillion variations on the theme. And I believe these include Aspergers, Attention Deficit and hyperactivity disorders, Dyslexia, Dysphraxia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorders, Tourette’s Syndrome and what they call “Classic Autism”. I don’t know if I like that term. I think it should be applied to music not people, but you know what I mean.Okay, there are people who develop aspects of OCD or ADD or Dysphraxia without the slightest hint of the classic symptoms of sensory distortion associated with Autism. So put away the Mont Blanc pen Mr or Ms Psychologist!But when a family discovers that they have a child with a diagnosis in the spectrum, it can help to look back through the family tree to see if anyone had aspects of any of the above.I also believe there is an evolutionary reason for the increase in the number of diagnoses of Autistic Spectrum Disorders in the last 10 -20 years.For a start; we have accurate description and diagnosis.Parents are much more pro-active around their kids today as we have fewer of them and have the luxury of obsessing about their development. When they don’t hit a milestone we are off down to the health centre to get referred. In the past with high infant mortality and low contraception, we had a higher birth-rate. If something was a little bit wrong, we were probably so busy with the other 9 kids that it wouldn’t be noticed and the child would just have to get on with it, perhaps relying on older siblings to compensate. If they had a more severe level of difference, they would be taken into the disability services, which in those days often meant the holy orders, forever. Mother and Father might miss you, but they had a lot of other children to raise and clothe and feed and life was much tougher. Survival much tougher.It is excruciating to imagine the number of severely disabled adults who ended up in residential care just because they had autism. Even more excruciating to think that a lot of them are still there.Going back further when we had to work together to gather food and huddle up together in caves to avoid predators, being different was bad. Being anti-social and uncommunicative threatened the survival of the tribe. Hunting, gathering and raising the young as a team was all important. The weak had to be left to survive on their own. This instinct survived well into the 20th century and there are many that believe that so called “wolf children” are just children with Autism or ADHD set loose to survive on their own by their harassed families.But the genes obviously survived, and by the time Hans Asperger was doing his trials in post war Austria and Germany, (don’t even think about it!) there were enough super intelligent but highly anti-social young men around for him to come to the conclusion that there was a medical condition to be described. He didn’t name it after himself by the way, it was years later that some of the next wave of autism specialists described “high functioning autism” in this way.The people with severe or so-called low functioning autism were not to be seen at that stage. OH they existed, but were not recognised as having autism, yet.So here we are in the new millennium and with the help of many determined parents, all of whom probably have aspects of autism themselves; we have pushed through and forced the world to understand the difference between Autism and intellectual and or Psychiatric disabilities. And to force the world to recognise the potential of our children.

From Little Things Big Things Grow

Gather round people and I'll tell you a story
An eight year long story of power and pride
British Lord Vestey and Vincent Lingiari
Were opposite men on opposite sides

Vestey was fat with money and muscle
Beef was his business, broad was his door
Vincent was lean and spoke very little
He had no bank balance, hard dirt was his floor

From little things big things grow
From little things big things grow

Gurindji were working for nothing but rations
Where once they had gathered the wealth of the land
Daily the pressure got tighter and tighter
Gurindju decided they must make a stand

They picked up their swags and started off walking
At Wattie Creek they sat themselves down
Now it don't sound like much but it sure got tongues talking
Back at the homestead and then in the town

From little things big things grow
From little things big things grow

Vestey man said "I'll double your wages
Eighteen quid a week you'll have in your hand"
Vincent said "uhuh we're not talking about wages
We're sitting right here till we get our land"

Vestey man roared and Vestey man thundered
"You don't stand the chance of a cinder in snow"
Vince said "If we fall others are rising"

From little things big things grow
From little things big things grow

Then Vincent Lingiari boarded an aeroplane
Landed in Sydney, big city of lights
And daily he went round softly speaking his story
To all kinds of men from all walks of life

And Vincent sat down with big politicians
"This affair" they told him "Is a matter of state
Let us sort it out, your people are hungry"
Vincent said "No thanks, we know how to wait"

From little things big things grow
From little things big things grow

Then Vincent Lingiari returned in an aeroplane
Back to his country once more to sit down
And he told his people "Let the stars keep on turning
We have friends in the south, in the cities and towns"

Eight years went by, eight long years of waiting
Till one day a tall stranger appeared in the land
And he came with lawyers and he came with great ceremony
And through Vincent's fingers poured a handful of sand

From little things big things grow
From little things big things grow

That was the story of Vincent Lingiari

But this is the story of something much more
How power and privilege can not move a people
Who know where they stand and stand in the law

From little things big things grow
From little things big things grow
From little things big things grow
From little things big things grow

By Paul Kelly and Kev Carmody ©1992

Lets keep speaking our stories....

xx

What causes Autism? what do you think?...

As a newcomer to the world of diagnosis you need to be reassured that nothing you did "caused" this condition to occur.
There could be environmental factors; I do not dispute that. But the truth is that peer reviewed and replicated studies across the world including our own Trinity College in Dublin, have come up with a genetic basis for the condition; which may or may not have been influenced by an environmental cause.

Trinity participate in the world genome project and more information can be gained by contacting Trinity directly and perhaps volunteering to take part.

It is only by collecting and collating the data on parental history, birth experience, and the actual behavioural presentation of as many cases as possible that the environmental or other causative factors will finally be identified and perhaps in future reduced.
You need to keep in mind when considering the "epidemic” arguments that a lot of autism in the past was undiagnosed.

Higher functioning kids in the spectrum just coped in the mainstream and went on to integrate in the wider world, perhaps with a few little eccentricities. Kids who did not develop speech or self care etc were landed in the Intellectual disabilities sector and many lived out their lives in institutions.

Thanks to the communications and media era the eccentric folk like myself have prospered and even met others, married and had one, two or even more children who were correctly diagnosed.
Parents like those who went to court to get some of the best state funded evidence based behavioural intervention in the world, for their kids and others.
Earlier intervention, smaller families, better informed and more involved and capable parenting, who knows why so many children with mild aspects of the wide spectrum are now being diagnosed?
Remember that Hans Asperger only noticed a number of intense young men who liked to talk about the same topics obsessively, in the late 1940's.
The young men and women who did not develop speech and self care in those days would not have made it to Hans' attention as they would have been institutionalised or otherwise hidden away and cared for by their large extended families.
Keep an open mind, educate yourself, advocate for your child and work hard and you will be fine.

I believe that the best management is hard work.

BE YOUR OWN CONSULTANT.

clutching at straws, ABA for ASD; first posted on 24th March 2007

Thought I might share a little analogy from the wonderful world of living with Autistic Spectrum Disorders

As you have gathered by now, I have two children with Severe Autism, my son is 9 and my daughter 7. My son bit another child (at school) for the 5th time in 2 years.
Ironically it was while I was marching in front of the Front of the Four Courts, having heard a judge decide that another little boy with ASD, was not entitled to ABA.
My son bites himself all the time, despite my repeated requests for a behavioural analysis and treatment plan.
And now my Darling Daughter trying to thump me, why? Because the company that makes the apple drink in a box that is (the only thing she will drink) have changed the color of the straw in their packaging.
And she won't have it.
On Friday we stocked up with our usual supply of 3 trays x of 9 boxes of 3 packs, half of which had the new straw.
By Saturday the boxes with the old pink straw had run out, but we had loads with the new green ones.
She is functionally non-verbal, but last night she decided the best way to get us to go and buy new juices was to systematically open all the ones with a green straw and arrange them on the kitchen table, without drinking one.

I discovered her on about the 15th carton. Stopped her and put her to bed with the last, pink straw carton.
I then hid all the remaining green straw cartons and went to bed myself.
This morning she began demanding "Drink" and "Shop" vocally and with her picture exchange system; to get us to go and buy new juice. I refused. She then used her picture exchange system to say she wanted to walk to shop for Ice cream. She also put in a verbal "ice cream" for good measure.

The freezer is full of her favourite ice creams, so she was using a picture of a cornetto which we don't have.
She was using the picture exchange system to Lie, and they tell me this girl has a learning disability.
I still refused.She then started trying to thump me. I curled up into a yoga position, determined to hold out against the tirade so she could learn to put up with change.

Down stairs I could hear my husband get his keys and go out the door, then I heard the car. Darling daughter continued to scream (she is an ear splitter) and thump me.
Car returns 15 minutes later, with my husband and another four trays of juices, all slightly torn open to expose the pink straw.
So yes, we would rather drive around the county supermarkets looking for juice with the old packaging, than stand up to a 7 year old who weighs less than 20 kilos, wringing wet.
There is a programme we could do, called "saying No" which is taught by ABA specialists in schools here and in the USA, but it requires the commitment of a dedicated team of trained therapists to work with the family and ride out the tantrums until the child has the ability to accept no, and accept an alternative to their preferred option.
As you have probably guessed the educational and health services available to me in the last 5 years have not had that level of expertise.
On Friday the judge (who obviously had never been beaten up by a 7 year old) ruled against one family who just wanted the chance to ensure that their son was educated in an environment where otherwise lovely little boys did not bite chunks out of their school friends, and little girls learnt to understand the word no, without assaulting anyone.
A good "saying no" programme takes a few weeks to plan, to observe and record data, to see what comes before the inappropriate behaviour and come up with techniques to replace the behaviour with something acceptable. It takes about 4 weeks to implement in both the educational setting, with weekly home visits and a daily session with the parents to ensure they maintain the programmes integrity.
But once it has been achieved, the child will permanently have the ability to cope with change; and be tolerant of other people's interests and needs, in other words; be part of normal family life.
So, to stretch the analogy,
With a little bit of planning and co-operation,
The Special Education Needs services (Dept of Ed and Health) could recognise and support the existing ABA schools in this country and set out to expand and establish full service ABA units in every county, including within the existing TEACCH or "ECLECTIC" units.
Yes, it would take a little bit of getting used to, people would have to accept change in the way they work, they would have to re-train, maybe open up and listen to people with expertise in fields that they don't really understand. A little bit like getting used to new packaging of a product if you like, but the outcome to Thousands of Children and Young Adults with Autism and their families would be immeasurable.

Instead of minding, restraining, then isolating and eventually sedating an intelligent human being whose only coping strategy to the condition of autism was to look for sameness and consistency in their environment, they could actually commit a finite amount of time and resources to giving them the ability to cope with change and move on to acquiring the next skill for independent living.
Finite because once the resources to provide 30 hours a week of Applied Analysis and Intervention are well, applied,
the overall level of skill of all concerned is improved and the child or young adult needs less help.
But when you don't commit these resources, or you fund alternative, non evidence based ineffective "Band Aid" solutions, like full time care staff and restraining devices, then you actually perpetuate the problem,
for the term of the individuals natural life.
So, Ministers for Ed, Children and Health,, "Do you think you can get used to some Green Straws?"

xx

Hammie says; ABA plus O.T. And Speech

In relation to the current argument that children with autism "deserve" access to "a range of therapies;PECS, ABA and TEACCH, etc" People in the "real" non-autism world think this sounds very reasonable and what are we complaining about? Sure wouldn't we all like to have our children included?Well, I want to explain that the majority of ABA schools and the parents that run them would agree that their children deserve access to ABA style direct teaching ALONG with full and competent SPEECH, O.T, and training in SOCIAL SKILLS and other life skills to do with the real world. But that doesn’t have to happen in an alternative setting. IF they were given the guaranteed capitation; the ABA schools could employ Speechies and O.T.s on a full time basis without having to resort to fundraising (such as the mini marathon) Those full time clinical professionals would then be on hand to consult and implement language, learning and physical goals in discrete trials and the natural environment. The beauty of the ABA setting means that every tutor who sits in front of each child will be working to a coordinated plan incorporating the recommendations of the clinical professionals and taking data for feedback. Many ABA schools employ primary teachers who assist with Academic goals and again the data shows very quickly if a child is able to learn the skill as it is being taught, or whether it needs to be broken down or tailored further to the individual child's needs. Speech Therapists and Occupational therapists are still very over subscribed in this country, and the ABA system of data collection and supervision of consistent learning goals means that recommendations can be implemented more accurately and effectively. We cannot all learn to be Speech Therapists and Occupational Therapists etc and we need their technical analysis of our children's needs.It is unfortunate that within TEACCH and Mainstream settings there is no system of co-ordinated supervision between Education Health Services. The Clinical professionals may have to keep re-teaching the skills (such as deep pressure massage or visual cueing) to various staff. There is no system of data collection either and all rely on verbal feedback at the next annual IEP Social and life skills can also be very successfully taught in ABA settings using Task Analysis and Tailoring. Once the learning goals are broken down to the individual's level they can be taught in planned trials and then generalised across the natural environment. A step by step task analysis is very easily shared between home and school and data will quickly show if the plan is working or whether more steps are needed. A social goal such as "saying Hello" can be implemented and tested across every environment all day. So yes it is correct to say that children with autism deserve access to "other therapies" but why not recognise that this can be done very effectively and EFFICIENTLY under the Umbrella of the ABA schools.

Pages

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Beautiful Boy 11/12/1997

6 comments: